Techniques to evaluate a program's cache performance fall into two camps: 1. Traditional trace-based cache simulators precisely account for sophisticated real-world cache models and support arbitrary workloads, but their runtime is proportional to the number of memory accesses performed by the program under analysis. 2. Relying on implicit workload characterizations such as the polyhedral model, analytical approaches often achieve problem-size-independent runtimes, but so far have been limited to idealized cache models.