Acyclic join queries can be evaluated instance-optimally using Yannakakis' algorithm, which avoids needlessly large intermediate results through semi-join passes. Recent work proposes to address the significant hidden constant factors arising from a naive implementation of Yannakakis by decomposing the hash join operator into two suboperators, called Lookup and Expand. We present a novel method for integrating Lookup and Expand plans in interpreted environments, like column stores, formalizing them using Nested Semijoin Algebra (NSA) and implementing them through a shredding approach. We characterize the class of NSA expressions that can be evaluated instance-optimally as those that are 2-phase: no 'shrinking' operator is applied after an unnest (i.e., expand). We introduce Shredded Yannakakis (SYA), an evaluation algorithm for acyclic joins that, starting from a binary join plan, transforms it into a 2-phase NSA plan, and then evaluates it through the shredding technique. We show that SYA is provably robust (i.e., never produces large intermediate results) and without regret (i.e., is never worse than the binary join plan under a suitable cost model) on the class of well-behaved binary join plans. Our experiments on a suite of 1,849 queries show that SYA improves performance for 85.3% of the queries with speedups up to 62.5x, while remaining competitive on the other queries.