Many practical problems involve estimating low dimensional statistical quantities with high-dimensional models and datasets. Several approaches address these estimation tasks based on the theory of influence functions, such as debiased/double ML or targeted minimum loss estimation. We introduce \textit{Monte Carlo Efficient Influence Functions} (MC-EIF), a fully automated technique for approximating efficient influence functions that integrates seamlessly with existing differentiable probabilistic programming systems. MC-EIF automates efficient statistical estimation for a broad class of models and functionals that previously required rigorous custom analysis. We prove that MC-EIF is consistent, and that estimators using MC-EIF achieve optimal $\sqrt{N}$ convergence rates. We show empirically that estimators using MC-EIF are at parity with estimators using analytic EIFs. Finally, we present a novel capstone example using MC-EIF for optimal portfolio selection.